There was an angel, a soft-spoken, light-skinned who used to do these things that drove me crazy. She would wear her hair in blonde curls so that she looked like those Telenovela stars. I met her at the campus and we friended from day one because we were in the same class, obviously she friend-zoned me from year one to year four.

This girl Joan Muratwa (not real names) since I met her in the induction week on Christmas eve of 2018 at  Mount Kenya University, a strong bond was created and from then we did everything together; dine, study and hang out. All our friends thought we were an item but we were not. I remember when guys came to me telling me how I was lucky to have such a beautiful girl little did they know that I was being friend-zoned.

We would hang out often and she would tell me what jerks the guys she was dating and I looked at her and smiled and wished she knew how I felt about her. I would spend nights agonizing about how I’d break the news to her, the news that she didn’t need to take shit from jerks because there was a good guy right there, ready to treat her right.

I finally gathered the courage after many tough days and sleepless nights, only I was a coward and I did it via text. She replied saying she was focusing on herself and she wasn’t ready for deep feelings, I felt crashed. A void emptier than a starless night opened in me and a swollen feeling that refused to go away wrapped around my throat. I remember I was sour and bitter for almost three months.

We never talked again from then, I didn’t see her after our graduation till now. I also learned that sometimes, girls date douchebags because they get their thrills and frustrations with those poor sods.

I’m a guy and manly like most guys, I have this pulsing need to crack women open and strip their contents bare even though I know it’s fleeting, nonetheless, it is like chasing waterfalls or playing chess and expecting to win when all your pieces are pawned.

 In the end, I came to realize women are complex beings that they themselves sometimes don’t even understand. I’m stricken still though, how fiery counterparts can be your friends but when you open your feelings they become foes and act as if you are from Mars.